The saddest line in all of cinema is at the end of “Commando”, when General Kirby proposed restarting John Matrix’s military unit. “No Chance,” Matrix responded. With those two words, he cut down audience dreams of living through another 90 minutes of cinematic bliss. It was, ultimately, a smart decision, as there was no way to improve what was already flawless. But there will be always be that “What if?” sitting in my brain.
Let’s party!
Still, the film is the greatest of all time. Today is the 30th anniversary of “Commando” and it remains perfect. It is the perfect film for a cool autumn day, the perfect movie for a hot summer night, the perfect solace for when you’re alone, the perfect bonding for when you’re with your friends, the perfect excuse for skipping work.
John Matrix remains the single greatest testament to human potential. He is equally comfortable carrying a tree down a mountain, petting a deer, enjoying ice cream with his daughter or killing 102 people. Most importantly, he is the master of the pre- and post-mortem one-liner.
And with possibly the exception of Batman, there has never been a better rogues gallery than that lined up against Matrix. In order to rescue his daughter Jenny, Matrix must defeat Sully, Cooke, Henriques, General Arius, and, of course, Bennett, the second greatest Commando on the planet. That is not even mentioning the entire army Matrix has to mow down.
Thank you Jeph Loeb (one of my favorite comic book writers!) and Steven E. de Souza for writing it, thank you Mark L. Lester for directing it, thank you Joel Silver for producing it and thank you James Horner for one of the most memorable scores in film history. Everybody knows that his “Titantic” Oscar win was to make up for a serious “Commando” snub.
And thank you to all the Commando Fans out there. It’s always fun to watch it with you. Don’t forget to watch it again this week, for old time’s sake. But if you don’t have the time, you can at least listen to the musical. And don’t forget to eat your Green Berets for breakfast.